I spent a fairly large chunk of last Sunday trying to buy a new pair of jeans. To my everlasting fury, the only pair that seemed like a comfortable fit was something that was actually tagged ‘mom jeans.’ Just like my low waisted, skinny jeans have morphed into mom jeans, my date nights have morphed into some kind of weird mutation of a simple dinner out.
‘Date night’ used to mean skimpy clothes, high heels, the trendiest nightspots in town and a return only in the wee hours of the morning. Now, it means jeans, flip flops, the nearest eatery and a return in less than two hours so Z doesn’t wake up and freak out at my absence.
An honest confession; we didn’t even manage a date night until a couple of weeks ago. Even that bastardized version of a date night that I just described. What that means is that our first date night happened after three and a half years.
I remember going for a scan during the latter months of my pregnancy and telling Warren ‘Let’s go watch a movie after this. It might be a while before I can once the baby comes.” I was admitted into ICU the same day and Z arrived a week later. My words were more prophetic than I’d imagined.
I watch other moms discuss nail spa dates and girl’s nights out and wonder when my time will come. Or if it will. If there’s one constant refrain that I hear, it’s that I have to make the time. It isn’t just going to happen. So, I try but how do you manage to make time when at the end of the day all you want to do is collapse into bed?
While doing interviews with Frazzled and Fabulous, I often ask other moms if they felt that being a mother or for that matter being a parent took away from being a spouse. The answer was a mix of yes’s and no’s. For those with a strong support system, it was easier to make time for themselves. And for those in a more nuclear set up, the challenges and obstacles were sometimes insurmountable.
But somehow, I at least, want to try harder. To make the time for self-care, to nurture my relationships, to find little pockets of time which are mine alone. It’s not just my New Year Resolution. It’s going to be my every day resolution.