When You’re Not Enough

Two days ago, a freak thunderstorm felled two trees outside our house, literally blew my dog off our verandah and knocked out our power supply for over thirty hours. Close to three days of no electricity, no water since our motor didn’t work and no wifi (horror of horrors), leads to a lot of introspection amongst other things. In the middle of all that crisis management, I spent a lot of time thinking. Reflecting. Pausing.

If there is one thing that’s been a constant for me over the last few years, it’s the fact that I’m always juggling my responsibilities. On some days, I have so many balls up in the air that it’s a miracle I’m not buried in an avalanche of them. I’m constantly watching, assessing, planning and most importantly, prioritizing. And when I say constantly, I mean this is now my superpower.

And yet, it’s not enough. I’m not enough.

Why is that, would you know? My mother always said it’s your intentions that matter. If you have a good heart, if you only wish the best for others, if you do your best…that is all that counts.

But somewhere along the way, life taught me otherwise. Your intentions don’t matter if they don’t translate into result. You may do your best but if it ends in failure, it doesn’t count.

So, what does matter to people then? Success? Money? Fame? And what if you’re not successful, rich or famous? Then you don’t matter?

In the last few days of zero electricity, scarce water and limited internet, I learned one very important fact. I could turn a million somersaults. I could and have tried to be everything to everyone. I could have the best intentions and the purest heart and still…still it wouldn’t be enough. For anyone.

In that moment, as awareness dawned, I realized something else too.

“I’m enough for me. I’m doing my best. I’m BEING my best and that is enough for me. And that my friends is where peace, if not happiness, lies. When you find your center and claim your spot. The universe will understand. It will adjust. It will align. It will be enough.”

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